Lotion Packets Beach

Lotion Packets Beach

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Nutty Vacations And The Families Who Take Them

Back when I was younger my family and I used to go on annual summer vacations. We'd go to Disney Land, Myrtle Beach, fishing, swimming, all the normal kinds of places people will go.

I was always one of those kids who asks, "Are we there yet?" about a thousand and one times. So, as punishment for these aggravating questions I had to share the backseat of the car with a person who, I honestly sometimes think to this day, was born to torture me during my adolescence. I was convinced for years that this is what my brother's purpose was in life. I bet if you asked him he would tell you from the time he was eight to the time he was about seventeen that it most certainly was.

I know we've all been on trips with either siblings or kids of our own where we've considered yanking our hair out one strand at a time. We've repeated, "One more time and I am pulling this car over!" or "It‘s just around the corner, five more minutes!" about a thousand times hoping to shut someone up enough that we can drive in peace. And a couple of times we have showed up to check into our hotel rooms with ketchup packets stuck to our faces or crayons tangled in our hair. Isn't this what a family vacation is all about? If you say no, I say you're a fibber. Vacations are chaos no matter how well planned they may be.

To explain my family, the best way I can put it is; if you took Everybody Loves Raymond, Roseanne, with just a dash of Momma's Family thrown in, mixed them all together, what you get is us. It was a good recipe for the most fabulously disastrous vacations.

As people will do, my mom and dad always had some really off the wall event planned during our vacations. One of those things that you will only do once, and you only do it in the first place to say you did it at all. The best memory I have of this is when they took us shrimping. It was the four of us, a cooler of food, and a net.

During this big outing we had both success and failure. We did manage to catch some shrimp. However, we only managed to catch about four of them and in the process, we killed a seahorse. As a little girl who didn't even know she loved seahorses, I was devastated. I remember telling everyone we'd "murdered" it and walking a little ways down the beach and conducting a rather moving funeral ceremony for my dead seahorse friend.

While in mourning I all of the sudden heard my mom screaming. Afraid she'd gotten herself tangled in the net and hoping against hope she wasn't going to end up like the seahorse, I ran down to where they were. What do I find? My mom yelling obscenities at a raccoon who is pilfering our packed cooler. It goes without saying that we left soon after.

We left that place four shrimp heavier then we were when we arrived. Which was fine, as we were also leaving one cooler lighter then we were when we got there. It evened itself out quite nicely in the end. The only real loser in the equation was the seahorse.

It's these types of things that make a vacation interesting. I remember the shrimping debacle like it was yesterday. And, it still makes me smile. I have no doubt someone has had something like what I've said here happen to you while on vacation. Maybe you've not murdered a seahorse and held it‘s funeral on the beach, but you know what I mean. Right?

Families all over are gearing up for vacation time. Spring break is right around the corner and suntan lotion, bathing suits and minvans are being purchased hand over fist. And, if they're smart, seahorses worldwide are in hiding.

It's this time of year you can almost feel the collective excitement of the much needed time off people crave all winter long. We had a nasty winter this year so I'm sure everyone is double ready to escape for a few days. Remember, enjoy it. This is the time you have with your family to be together and do things that you wouldn't normally get to do.

I leave you this week with a quote I heard a lot on family vacations.

"Mandi honey, that jellyfish is not a toy. They sting. You wanna go to the hospital on vacation? Leave it alone, would you?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author

Mandi Hayes-Spencer is a columnist for a local newspaper in her hometown of Flatwoods, Ky.  The Beacon, has a circulation of about 3000 readers.  She has been compared to the likes of Erma Bombeck because of her laughable approach to life and her ability to make you think at the same time.

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